Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
