what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
