im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
