I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
