just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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