this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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