I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
