that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
