I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
