I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
