We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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