Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
