If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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