i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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