His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Still dying that you shit outside
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
