So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
