I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
