i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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