And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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