i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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