i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
