Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
