The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
