Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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