Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
