wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
