she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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