remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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