You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He better not be in your backpack
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize