We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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