I'm eating all of the evidence.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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