you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
