it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
