i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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