Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
