Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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