Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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