I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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