I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
