I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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