so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
