its not stalking. its research.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
