I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
