i wish there were pregnant emoticons
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
