My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize