Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Randomize
