I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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