sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
