No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
