I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
