OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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