I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The Olympian is in my bed
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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