So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
