I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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