they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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