I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My balls are so social today.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
