There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
