either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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