Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
