Acid is not a monday night drug
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
