We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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