I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You took a bar mat shot.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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