can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize