I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
