Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
