He is such a slut. More and more my type.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
