you have to choose: penises or morals?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
