when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
