The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
