just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
