If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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